I started writing this 3 days after Christmas while sitting on my couch looking glamorous my pj’s, unshowered with my dog and son tucked up alongside me. Both my son and were getting over our second bought of pink eye in 2 weeks and I had a throat infection that left me unable to swallow, feeling like my throat was on fire. It’s now New Year’s Eve and I’ve graduated to sweat pants and my husband is trying to get the kids to nap after the youngest was throwing up last night. Essentially the whole family has had some kind of illness since about 10 days before Christmas, including pink eye, colds and various throat things and now lots of puking.
So you can imagine what a house full of illness has meant for Christmas and new year over here. There was no annual family photo (because we all had pink eye!), no Christmas card, we didn’t go to a single Christmas party or see any Christmas light displays. I didn’t even finish my Christmas shopping and I can’t imagine a lot of partying in our future tonight for New Year’s Eve.
Meanwhile I’ve had lots of time to get on Facebook and see plenty of photos of other families doing fun things, perfectly dressed children smiling back in Christmas photos, Christmas parties and lights.
About now I should also probably mention that every year since moving to the US and becoming a mum I’ve gotten sick at Christmas and this has not been conducive creating some hallmark Christmas memory moments with my family. What’s worse is that I thought for sure this year would be different. 2016 was challenging but I’ve been doing my spiritual work, shifted stuff, gained some great insights and experienced a lot if growth. A fat lot of good that did! Even worse while I ‘know better’ as I sat on my couch, kid and dog next to me I couldn’t help but notice I was feeling a bit like a big fat failure. This is not how Christmas should be!
In years gone by I may have really given in to this fear and beaten myself up for not meeting my Christmas expectations, but this year as I’m now sitting in my office on new year’s eve afternoon while the kids are sleeping (this in itself is a Christmas miracle) I can reflect back on the last couple of weeks, and while certainly not perfect and definitely filled with much more sickness and frustration than I would like, I’m still able to feel a deep sense of peace and joy. So what’s different about this year?
If you know anything about me at all, you know how much I love Brene Brown. In her December 24 Facebook post she talked about “the magic is in the mess”. This reminded me that in the hustle and bustle of the season, or in my case in the sickness of the season, it’s easy for many of us and not just me to hear those voices of fear and lack like the one telling me I wasn’t doing enough and that I had failed my kids. She reminded me that despite what Facebook may want me to believe I’m not alone in the mess of Christ-mess! If you’re reading this and you can relate, I want to remind you of this too. I’m also lucky to have a great support of my husband, a close circle of girlfriends and my Unity community to remind me every day that we’re not in this mess alone.
You may also know that I’ve never much been one for church or ‘organized’ religion and because I didn’t grow up in a religious household I had never really reflected on the real meaning of Christmas until I started attending Unity. This year I have been delving much deeper into my own understanding of God and spirituality and for the first time I bought the Unity Advent Book, the Wonder of Christmas. It has been a great daily reminder of truth that has helped me stay grounded in faith, peace, love and joy, and hope. It reminded me that:
Faith - I have faith in divine order and that everything happens toward my greater good. I am relaxed and at peace, grateful that my life is unfolding in good order as I allow the flow of spirit to carry me forward.
Peace - Peace begins with me, being at peace within me, so I can be at peace with the world around me
Love – Love is the most powerful force in the universe. I AM infinite love and I AM infinitely loving. Love is the energy that moves me through this messy experience of life. It is the source of every choice I make. It is the gift I offer to everyone I meet.
Joy - Joy helps radiate the happiness inside me, so I may see the Joy I bring to others. We don’t have to wait for something outside of us to happen to feel joy. We can choose joy anytime by holding expectant, jubilant thoughts of abundant life and love regardless of circumstances.
Hope - Hope opens me up to welcome new opportunities, filling me with gratitude for what lies ahead
Gratitude – Staying present and thankful to all the blessing I have in my life, immediately counteracts thoughts of lack and fear. When I take the time to remind myself of how abundantly blessed I really am there really isn’t room for perfectionism and worry.
So while I was sick and not physically able to do much, I was actually doing a lot. I was invited to go deeper within myself and really experience faith, peace, love, hope and gratitude. A reminder that spirit within me is greater than any outer circumstances. While it was frustrating not being able to experience some of the outer joys of Christmas I’m grateful that I had a chance to see things anew from within and to open myself up more to the full expression of spirit within me.
So my invitation to you as we move into 2017 is to remember that spirit in you is greater than any outer circumstances. Those times when you may be feeling lack and fear, stay present to the blessings in your life and know that peace, love and joy come from within.
And as an end note, its now January 2, and we ended up having a lovely family New Year’s Eve at home with impromptu fireworks fun in the street with our neighbors. We planned nothing, I had no expectations and it turned out to be the nicest New Year’s Eve in years!
Happy New Year.